Comfort in a Time of Loss
by cjmiddleton85gmail.com
Summary: Alternative to the main event in "The Comfort of Friends".


Michaela woke up a little after sunrise. After going to bed early the night before she smiled as she remembered the last time she was this well-rested. It was about a month and a half ago when Sully paid her a visit. He had made his way past the soldiers guarding the homestead to spend the night sleeping next to, and making love to his wife, something they both missed due to him being in hiding. Placing her hand on her still flat abdomen she spoke as if the person she was speaking to was in the room with her.

"I have you to thank for such a good night's rest. What do you say we go tell your Pa about you today? Just you, me, and your big sister."

"Ma," Brian spoke as he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Come in."

"Katie's dressed. We tried feedin' her, but she wouldn't eat. I think she might want ya to feed her," Brian said as he walked in with Katie.

"Is that right?" Michaela asked Katie.

Brian put the little girl down and gave a slight chuckle as she toddled her way towards the bed to their mother. When she got there Michaela picked her up and placed her on the bed beside her. Although Michaela had begun bottle feeding her, she still nursed her sometimes at night to help soothe her to sleep, but there were some mornings where she preferred her mother's milk to whatever she was being offered. And Michaela realized this was one of those mornings when she felt Katie tap her breast.

Brian who had since left came running back up the stairs when he heard Michaela call.

"Yeah, Ma?" Brian asked a little out of breath.

"Ask Matthew to come back a little later I want him to take Katie and me to spend the weekend with Sully."

"I bet he'll be happy to hear about the baby."

"Just one moment," Michaela said as she felt Katie tap her breast again.

"He will," Michaela replied to Brian.

"Well, I'll better get goin'. I'll walk to school since ya wantin' Matthew to take ya and Katie out to the cave," he said as he leaned over to give Michaela a hug goodbye.

"See ya when you get back. Bye Katie see ya later." he said to his little sister before turning to leave.

"And Brian, walk," Michaela spoke as he made his way into the hall.

"Hey, little brother, ready?" Matthew asked as Brian walked outside.

"Yeah, but Imma walk to school. Ma's wantin' ya to take her and Katie out to the cave to see Sully. She's gonna tell him about the baby. But wait a bit before ya go up, she's feedin' Katie."

"Dr. Mike.", Matthew said as he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Come in."

"Brian said that ya want me to take you and Katie out to see Sully."

"Yes," Michaela replied. "Do you have anything to do in town today?"

"No. Just let me ask Daniel to look after the jail, and I could be back here for you and Katie around noon."

"Thanks. Oh, and while you're out could you stop by Grace's and get some of her fried chicken and fixings? The money's in my purse over there on the dresser."

"Don't worry about it Dr. Mike, I'll take care of it."

"Matthew you don't have to," Michaela insisted.

"Bye Ma," Matthew said as he rolled his eyes and left.

Michaela placed a now sleeping Katie down on the bed and began preparing for their trip.

"10:45," Michaela said to herself as she looked at the clock above the fireplace.

Feeling a little tired herself, she laid down on the bed next to Katie and dozed off. She woke up when she heard Matthew coming up the stairs.

"Dr. Mike are you and Katie ready?" Matthew asked as he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Almost. I must have dozed off," Michaela responded as she went to open it.

"Dr. Mike, have you eaten anything today?" Matthew asked.

"Not yet.", Michaela replied a little embarrassed.

"I figure you hadn't, that's why I had Grace pack an extra piece of chicken and a biscuit."

"Thank you, Matthew. Let me get dressed and I'll be right down. Take her and this bag downstairs with you, please," she asked as Matthew left.

Soon they were on their way. They made it to the cave an hour later.

Sully became startled when he heard the wagon pull up. Not expecting anyone, he immediately reached for his tomahawk but withdrew his hand when he noticed who it was.

"Michaela!" he exclaimed as the wagon came to a stop and he moved closer. "I wasn't expecting ya 'til next week.

"Is everything all right?" he asked as he reached for Katie with one hand and helped Michaela down with the other.

"Yes," she said as she found her footing and grabbed her medical bag.

"Matthew how's everything?" he asked as Matthew handed Michaela the picnic basket.

"Fine," Matthew started as he climbed down the wagon and grabbed Michaela's overnight bag. "Brian says hi."

"Why didn't he come with ya?" Sully asked as they all headed towards the cave.

"He had a test today that he didn't want to miss," Michaela replied.

"Dr. Mike, Sully Imma head back into town. I wanna be back before Ms. Teresa lets school out so me and Brian can go fishin'."

"You sure you don't want to stay for lunch?" Sully asked.

"Nah, y'all go ahead," he said as he put on his hat. "Dr. Mike, how does Sunday at dusk sound?"

"Sounds good," Michaela said as Matthew leaned towards her for a hug and kiss goodbye.

"Sully," he said shaking his father's hand.

"Take care, and give Brian a hug for me," he replied as he watched his son leave.

"Boy, does this smell good," Sully said as he reached for a piece of chicken.

As they sat and ate they talked about Sully and Cloud Dancing's pending meeting up north. Michaela kept looking for the opportunity to tell him he would be a father again, but it never presented itself. When they finished their meal Sully offered to clean up, but Michaela obliged.

"Why don't you let me take care of that?" she obliged.

"Are ya sure?" Sully asked to be sure.

"Yes, I believe someone could use a walk," Michaela said stifling a yawn. Besides, it will give her time to catch up with her father and her mother a chance for a much-needed nap.

"Sweet dreams," Sully said as he kissed Michaela before leaving.

Michaela surveyed the room looking for some place comfortable. It was seconds later when she found Sully's makeshift bed and made herself comfortable quickly drifting off to sleep.

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Sully sat telling Katie a story when he heard a familiar sound. He responded, in the same manner, to let the caller know that he was nearby.

"Ha ho," Cloud Dancing greeted his brother.

"Ha ho," Sully responded, "What are you doing here?"

"The Spirits have come to me they say it's Michaela."

"Is something wrong?" Sully asked now becoming worried.

"They say that she will suffer a great tragedy by day's end and she will need you there with her."

Sully almost collapsed at the sound of Cloud Dancing's words.

"They have also instructed me to care for Katie. They will let me know when I should return her to you."

Sully didn't think twice before handing Katie over to Cloud Dancing. Gently kissing the top of the little girl's head he told them both goodbye and headed back to the cave.

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Michaela woke to a slight cramp in her abdomen. Believing it to be signs of her uterus stretching to accommodate the continuous growth of her unborn child she shifted and tried going back to sleep. A few moments later she felt another, much stronger cramp followed by her underwear becoming damp.

"Oh, no!" she cried out when she realized what was happening.

Hearing his wife's scream, Sully said a prayer to whatever higher being was listening as he picked up his pace and entered his hideout. His heart sank when he saw Michaela laying there doubled over tears streaming down her face.

"Michaela, what's wrong?" Sully asked as he gathered Michael's tense body into his arms.

"Sully, I'm so sorry," Michaela began in a fit of tears. "I'm losing our baby."

Sully shocked at the news that Michaela was pregnant, had so many questions he needed answered. He felt it best to leave them unanswered and just be there for her something he could not do as of late. He sat there and held Michaela as pain after pain shot through her abdomen and lower half. As the day turned into night Michaela's bleeding became heavier until it reduced to nothing at all. During the whole ordeal, Sully didn't speak, he just sat there holding Michaela until he felt her body relax.

Thinking she had fallen asleep Sully got up and gently placed her head where he was sitting.

"Sully?" Michaela called out.

"Hey do ya need anything?" he asked as quietly as he could.

"Where's Katie?" Michaela asked as she wondered about the whereabouts of their daughter.

"She's with Cloud Dancin'. He started as he removed his coat and covered her with it. "The Spirits sent him to me. They told him you would suffer a tragedy by the end of the day." That's why she's with him. They told him to keep her until Sunday.

"Sully I'm sorry," Michaela sobbed.

"Shh," he said speaking his first word of comfort since returning. "Are ya still in pain?" he asked.

"A little," she responded. "Hopefully it'll be through by morning."

"Will ya be okay while I go gather up some wood for a fire?" Sully asked.

"Mmh!" Michaela nodded in response as she felt a sharp pain make its way from her abdomen down to her groin.

"Are ya sure?" Sully asked when he noticed the pain that she was in.

"Yes," the pain has stopped for now."

Sully gathered as much wood as quickly as he could. He returned to the cave to find Michaela curled in a ball on the floor wearing his too big for her coat that almost swallowed her petite frame. He built a fire that would last them the rest of the night and went to lie down beside her. Noticing she had fallen asleep, he held her as gently as he could and fell asleep, but not before praying to the spirits to let his wife make it through this with her spirit intact.

Michaela woke the next morning to soaked underwear. Sensing, and hoping that all the bleeding was over with, she shifted so she could remove them, but she woke Sully up while doing so.

"Michaela is everything all right?" he asked.

"My underwear. They're wet. I need to take them off." she said as both she and Sully rose.

"Here let me," Sully said as he lifted her skirt and petticoat to find her underwear that was once white a harrowing shade of crimson that not only symbolized the loss of blood, but losing a child they created. One that they would never see, never hold or touch.

Seeing her underwear once Sully had removed them brought on a new wave of tears. Not only were they for the physical pain she felt, but the realization of losing someone that was not only a part of her but a part of them. Yes, the child resulted from desperation and need. The need for them to be together after being forced apart for so long. But it was still that need and desperation that created this life, one she would never get the pleasure of holding, nursing like she did Katie, to watch grow, or to just be. She always knew how to comfort other women after and during a miscarriage. But now since the tables had turned she was speechless. She knew the medical reasoning and logic behind this, but she had no words of solace or comfort for herself during this time. Only feelings of failure and guilt.

Seeing his wife's tears Sully set the underwear aside and went to hold her. They sat like that amidst the silence and tears of their grief until they heard a familiar sound.

Not wanting to leave Michaela, Sully told the person to come in.

"Ha ho." Cloud Dancing and Sully greeted each other.

"The Spirits have told me to return. They say the little one will help you with your grief." Cloud Dancing said as he placed Katie next to her parents.

"Michaela take this and make it into a tea. It will help if there's any more pain or bleeding."

"What is it?" Michaela asked unfamiliar with the herbs he handed her .

"Yarrow, black cohosh, and red raspberry leaf." Cloud Dancing stated as he began detailing in full the usage of each.

"Will any of this harm my milk?" Michaela asked worried that she wouldn't be able to nurse Katie if needed.

"No." Cloud Dancing responded. But only a little at a time. "Now if you don't mind I must leave you," he said as he got up to leave.

"Thanks." Sully and Michaela said in unison as they bid him farewell.

Michael's miscarriage continued throughout the day. But with her focus on Katie, and Sully making sure she drank tea even if she didn't deem it necessary, made the final stage more bearable than the last. Matthew came the next day as scheduled with Brian in tow. When it was time for them to return home Sully made Michaela promise that she would go see Andrew and take it easy the next few days.

"Sully you don't have ta worry bout Dr. Mike." Matthew started. "We'll make sure she takes it easy. Isn't that right Brian?".

"Yeah, we'll help ya with Katie and all the chores," Brian said in agreement with Matthew.

"Well, I guess everything is settled," Michaela said as Sully helped her into the wagon.

"Now you help take care of ya Ma, okay?" Sully said before giving Katie a kiss on the top of her head before handing her to Michaela.

Everyone said their final goodbyes. Before parting ways.

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It had been five weeks since the miscarriage and three since Sully's return home and he and Michaela had yet to be intimate. This worried Michaela. She knew that if they wanted to give Katie a brother or sister, they would have to act fast so there would be less of a chance for complications because of her age. That's when Sully walked in broke her out of thought.

"Is she asleep?" Michaela asked as Sully walked in.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to leave her, so I just sat and held her a while."

"Michaela," Sully said as he removed his buckskins and joined her in bed.

"Yes," Michaela answered as she shifted to look him in the eye.

"I was wonderin'." Sully started. "Is too soon?"

"Too soon for what?" Michaela asked.

"For us to try again. That's if ya able to. I know that losin' the baby did a number on ya. It got me afraid to be with ya. I didn't know if you were up to it yet, or if I would hurt anythin' by being with ya again so soon.."

"Yes. Everything is more than fine." Michaela replied. "What makes you think you would hurt me?"

"Well, when Abigail lost our first baby."

"Abigail had a miscarriage?" Michaela asked interrupting him.

"Yeah. It wasn't as bad as was what I saw with you. Well, I wasn't even there when it happened."

"Sully, I'm so sorry," Michaela said before he finished.

"According to Charlotte, it wasn't bad." Sully continued.

"How far along was she?" Michaela interrupted again.

"About three weeks. We didn't even know she was expectin'." Sully continued. "We never talked about having kids before it happened, but when it did, we considered it. But it was a while before we were intimate again."

"What do you call a while?" Michaela asked.

"About three months," Sully said.

"Well, that wasn't too long. You weren't with a woman the whole time you were with the Cheyenne, and that was longer than three months." Michaela said.

"Yeah it was, but we went from being together twice, sometimes three times a day to her not wanting to be with me at all," Sully replied. So I took it as her body still needin' time to heal."

"All women are different," Michaela stated. "Maybe Abigail was afraid."

"Afraid?" Sully asked. "What d'ya mean?"

"Afraid of being hurt by the possibility of another miscarriage if she got pregnant. Afraid of disappointing again, or at all." Michaela responded giving him several answers to his question.

"I wish she'da let me know. She was never quite the same after." Sully said.

"It probably was hard for her to open up to you. Especially if she felt she let you down," Michaela assured him. "I almost lost myself when I came back home and the realization had become obvious."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here for ya," Sully replied with guilt present in his voice.

"We were together when it mattered most," Michaela replied.

"Well, if you don't mind I still wanna make it to ya," Sully said with a look of passion in his eyes.

Needing to say nothing more, Michaela replied with a look that begged Sully to love her.

Michaela and Sully spent the rest of the night making love only for the purpose of pleasing each other. Not worrying about whether Michaela would get pregnant again so soon, or if they should have waited a little while longer. For, the only thing that mattered to them was renewing their love for each other. Letting the other be their comfort in a time of loss.


End file.
